Commercials!!

Ok, I know I watch entirely too much TV, but there are definitely commercials getting aired so often you'll see the same exact ad three to four times throughout the same program. That's OVERKILL, kids.

When I hear the same exact stupid Cox cable/high-speed-internet/digital-cable-package come on again after it just during the last break, I am either going to turn the channel or go do something else. When your commercials become so repetitive that they actually drive your potential customers away, it's time to reign in on the ads. I'm so sick of these commercials that if I ever move out of here, I will purposely use any other high-speed-internet access, just because I'm sick of Cox shoving it down my throat. As if the TV spots aren't enough, they also like to flood my mailbox with "offers" for the same exact shit four or five times a week. Save a tree! If I want your fucking high-speed access or whatever, I'll order it!

*squeezes eyes shut tightly and screams*

More commercials that get on my very last nerve:

Dish TV - "Dad! The cable's out again, can you fix it?"
Was that kid the best actor who auditioned? He's way too fake-excited about the cable being out. And unless Dad's the Cable Guy, no, he can't "fix" it. When the cable goes out, it's the cable going out. Someone at the cable place needs to fix it. And why does this white family have a Mexican daughter?

Ewww - (A woman is shown jogging in place in tight black leggings) "Why do some intimate problems start as one and then go to two?"
"Go to" two? That sounds weird. But really, if you want to know why you have nasty-ass feminine problems, stop exercising in that damn spandex! Nothing makes a party for yeast like working up a sweat in a pair of tight-fitting synthetic pants, genius.

The Voice-Over - How many more companies are going to clone the old (and it's old, already) guy-in-the-commercial-doing-the-voice-over technique? You know, where they show people sitting around enjoying something and you hear a disembodied voice-over describing it, and then they pand over and it's someone at the table doing the voice-over? Cinnamon Toast crunch has done it twice, Domino's did it, and I know there was at least one other one recently but it escapes me at the moment. STOP COPYING EVERYBODY ELSE!!

The Breakup - We saw this a few months back, when people were breaking up with their beer. I think it was Miller Lite doing the commercials. Fine, they were first. Now a bank - Compass, maybe? - is doing the "breakup" where everyone's dumping their bank. "And no we can't be friends". A-hahaha! Good one! *frown*

The "Aren't They CUTE?" factor - Using kids to advertise stuff that isn't in any way kid-related isn't cute, it's stupid. You think your potential customers are going to view that ad and think to themselves, "aw, the kids are saying, 'Come shop in our daddy's store, he's the greatest!' See, he's a dad! He must be honest and forthright and sell the best products on Earth!" What do kids know about installing garage doors or running a used car lot? Leave the kids in the Jell-o and Disney commercials.

Don't Let Them Cancel! - The local cable stations have been running what's essentially a Help Wanted ad recently: "AOL is now hiring Member Retention Consultants!" As I'm sure they are. I have no trouble believing AO-Hell's gotta have actual staff to try to keep a grip on the people who've signed up for their crappy service. This is a sad, sad state of affairs, sports fans.

Buzzworthy - "EVERYBODY's talking about..." Sure they are. It's the latest, greatest, hottest thing out there. If 'EVERYBODY' were really talking about it, I wouldn't need a commercial to tell me.

Check Your Watch! - "It's GO time!" When exactly IS "GO" time? Should I set an alarm for it? Because I so want to know when to "GO"! This is EXTREMELY overused.

Another 'Intimate' One - "Are you comfortable in the tampon you're wearing?" Uh... I'm not in a tampon; it's in me.

Sweet, Rich, and Delicious - Is "decadent" the ONLY word in the entire English language that can be used to describe chocolate? Geeahhhhh!

Oh I'm not done with this one yet. Check this entry for updates.

I bitched on Monday, June 20, 2005.